The following article summarizes the original event which is listed below the summary.
Preparing for death
Many of us remember Pat Miles from her days as a WCCO and KARE TV anchor on the evening news. At UMRA’s January 2024 forum, she shared her personal experience after her husband Charles “Bucky” Zimmerman was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. He had been healthy and seemed destined for a long life. But their plans for retirement were shattered.
“We thought we were set for life,” Miles recalled. “As it turned out, we were not set for death.” She experienced “overwhelming grief, followed by overwhelming problems.”
Pat and Bucky had a will and trust, but she found there was much she didn’t know about their finances. With no trusted advisors, she relied on people whose interests—she eventually realized—were not aligned with hers. Living through the fog of grief, it was difficult for her to retain information or make decisions. Seemingly little things, like utility bills, became complicated when her name was not on them.
“I looked and acted like I knew what I was doing, but I didn’t,” she told us.
After the first year, Miles reached out to other widows and then wrote a book about the commonalities and lessons she found in their experiences. During our forum, she shared some of the practical advice she gained in the process, like taking someone with you—someone you trust—to important meetings.
Critical conversations
To prepare for death, she said, “Ask yourself, Who knows what I know? And if no one else knows, take action. Deal with the impending practicalities when days are good, and your family is around. Preparing for death has made me less afraid.”
Pat Miles’ book—Before All is Said and Done: Practical advice on living and dying well—is available in bookstores and on Amazon. I recommend it and urge you to have these critical conversations with the loved ones in your life, no matter how difficult.
—Julie Sweitzer, UMRA president-elect and Program Committee chair
Planning for the (un)expected end
Tue, January 23 2024, 11am
Pat Miles
Author and former news anchor and journalist
WCCO TV and KARE TV
Event to be held via Zoom.
One of the most uncomfortable conversations for many couples is “what happens when one of us is gone?” We know it is inevitable. But we hope it is far off and tend to avoid any planning. Especially if finances are satisfactory, we may postpone exploring what might change when there is only one of us left.
But time isn’t always on our side. In 2015, I got a visit at work from the University of Minnesota police who came to tell me that my husband had died while working on our new lake cabin. Not what I expected that day.
For Pat Miles, former TV news anchor and journalist, it was an unexpected health diagnosis for her husband and a relatively short period until he died. There are probably multiple versions of this experience among UMRA members. Grief, telling family and friends, and making funeral arrangements are among the immediate challenges.
Reality sets in
Then reality sets in. Pat Miles thought “their affairs were in order.” After all, they had a will and were in the early stages of a planned retirement. Instead, she ran into multiple legal and financial challenges made all the more traumatic by her deep grief. Being a journalist, she eventually interviewed other widows who had similar experiences, as well as professionals from many fields who contributed their expertise.
The result is her book Before All is Said and Done: Practical Advice on Living and Dying Well, available in bookstores and on Amazon (including Kindle). While my experience was not so difficult, her advice rings true to me.
Please register and join us via Zoom at 11 a.m. on Tuesday, January 23, for our first forum of the New Year to hear Pat Miles share her personal story and the practical advice she gathered through her reporting. I hope it will prompt you to have a conversation, or two.
—Julie Sweitzer, UMRA president-elect and Program Committee chair
Upcoming Events
We are fortunate to have UMRA member and former Minnesota Landscape Arboretum director Peter Moe to lead this approximately 3.7-mile hike at the Arboretum on Monday, May 6. Plan to have lunch together after the hike at the Eatery café inside the Oswald Visitor Center.
This session will continue the discussion begun in the May 8, 2023 session. See that article for details.
If you currently live in your own home or apartment, have you looked ahead to when you might want to consider a senior living option? Do you have any idea what those options might be? How much they cost? What they provide? UMRA’s May 14 workshop will provide an overview of the world of senior living and the basic information you need.
You’re invited to join the final Family History Interest Group meeting for 2023–24. This will be an opportunity to ask questions related to family history, share insights, talk about recent projects, and suggest topics for next year.
Stephanie Daily will lead the discussion of Fuzz: When Nature Breaks the Law by best-selling author Mary Roach when the UMRA Book Club meets via Zoom at 2 p.m. on Friday, May 17.
The May 20 hike will start at the Historic Lift Bridge in Stillwater and go along the river to the new bridge, cross over and then back on the Wisconsin side, a total of approximately 5 miles. Most of the route is paved. We will eat lunch after at Brian's Bar and Grill in Stillwater. Car pooling will be available.
Climatologist and meteorologist Mark Seeley joined the U of M faculty in 1978 and has been a weekly commentator on Minnesota Public Radio since 1992. We are honored to welcome him as our guest speaker for UMRA’s May Luncheon Forum and 2024 Annual Meeting. He is always entertaining and informative.
UMRA’s Fourth Friday Book Club welcomes back, for the second time, author Julie Schumacher, U of M Regents professor of creative writing and English, for a conversation about her novel The Shakespeare Requirement.
We are in for a treat on June 3! Lynn Anderson, will lead us on trails at two parks near her Monticello home. Bring a bag lunch and we will gather in Lynn's yard along the Mississippi River for eating and socializing after the hike.
Get out to the ballpark with fellow UMRA members for the annual U of M Day at Target Field as the Minnesota Twins take on the Oakland Athletics on June 14 at 7:10 p.m.
Please join us at 9:30 on June 17, 2024 for a walk around Lake Como in St. Paul before attending the UMRA Summer Social and Picnic starting at 11 at the Como Pavilion. A perfect opportunity to get in a walk before we gather to celebrate summer.
Picnic under the covered, open-air Como pavilion, gaze at the water, spy some birds, catch up with friends and former colleagues, and meet new members. We’ll have lunch with plenty of time for visiting and then compete in teams as we are challenged by our Quiz master(s)!
Healthy aging, mindfulness, fighting ageism, and more will be the focus of the third annual Age-Friendly University Day to be held on the U of M Twin Cities campus.