FIRST PERSON | Thoughts on aging
UMRA member and author Jo Prouty retired from the U of M Department of Applied Economics. This article is condensed, with permission, from a longer essay published by the UMRA-sponsored Journal of Opinions, Ideas & Essays (JOIE).
I grew up surrounded by positive people. My parents both lived to be 98, and I never heard either of them complain as they grew older. “People don’t want to talk with you if you complain, so I don’t,” my mother said. In that spirit, I’d like to share with you some thoughts on the advantages of getting older, as I experience it.
One advantage is the perception others hold of your diminished capacity. Some people identify physical capacity first; these might be neighbors who think you can’t remove one inch of snow from your driveway, and take turns clearing a path on snow days. I take advantage of this perception at every opportunity. And I always accept assistance at Home Depot putting mulch into my trunk, even though I remove the bags myself when I get home.
Close friends and family tend to worry about my mental capacity. My family determined the antidote to my aging brain is Legos. I have loved Legos since my son began building with them at an early age, but I never expected to have a collection of Lego birds sitting on a shelf, which I now do. The kingfisher perched in the cattails was actually quite challenging, but whether my brain has improved is up for debate.
Another common perception is that I’m harmless. I was in Boston and went to the Arlington Street Church to see stained glass windows designed by Louis C. Tiffany. When I arrived, the place was as secure as Fort Knox. I stood, dejected, at the foot of the stairs contemplating my next move. A gentleman came down the street carrying a box under his arm. I said to myself, If that guy goes in this church, I’m going with him.
When he reached me, he extended a greeting and started up the steps. “Excuse me,” I said. “I came to see the Tiffany windows, and I can’t get in the church.”
“Come with me,” he said. “You can look at them as long as you like. When you leave, go out by this door and it will lock behind you.”
As we entered the church, I learned that he was doing some IT work. I also found out that he sang in the Cantata with the Boston Pops Symphony. I know this is true because he told me his name and I looked him up on the internet. The Tiffany windows were as exquisite as promised. The only thing that might have enhanced the experience was if he had burst into song.
Favorite attitudes toward older people
One of my favorite attitudes toward older people is lowered expectations. Things that may not be at all remarkable when someone is 45 become extraordinary as one approaches 80. A couple years ago I wrote and self-published a book. The reaction: “You did what?” “You wrote a book?” Or, “Oh, you were at a book signing. Whose book?” That was humbling.
I think these perceptions, while misguided, are often well intentioned. My eight-year-old granddaughter showed me features of my iPhone I didn’t know existed. What was my reaction? Astonishment! At how much she knew—and how little I knew. My ageist bias showed its face. How prejudicial of me to let a “number” matter in my perception of another person. Recognizing this has made me more tolerant, more empathetic, maybe even kinder.
I see humor in our human condition, and find it easier to laugh in the moment. Why wait to turn some drama in your life into a funny story you share in an essay? Just laugh when it happens.
Now I see my long life as a series of miracles. I wish that you, too, might experience seeing miracles.
The Love of a Dog by Jo Prouty is available from Amazon.
If you would like to share a first-person reflection related to aging, whether it’s humorous or sobering or a snapshot of what you’re doing in retirement, please contact JOIE Editor Kristine Bettin at [email protected] or UMRA News Editor Kristine Mortensen at [email protected].
News
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