Finding common ground by learning to disagree better
Professor Emeritus Bill Doherty, U of M Department of Family Social Science, led an engaging workshop on “Skills for Disagreeing Better” at the Ramsey Country Library in Roseville on July 24. Of the 45 participants, 12 were participating in an UMRA event for the first time.
Goals for the special workshop included: 1) understanding the values and concerns of people who differ from you politically, 2) practicing better skills for listening in a way so the other person feels heard, and 3) practicing better skills for sharing perspectives in a way the other person might hear them, even if they disagree.
We worked in small groups and shared with the larger group. The ground rules included: 1) We’re here to talk about skills, not policies. So, let’s not get into policy debates. 2) Let’s help each other out as we work on the skills. It’s not a competition.
Abandon expectations
We were encouraged to abandon expectations. For example: I will persuade other people they’re wrong and I’m right about issues of importance to them. Instead, we were encouraged to hope they will see us as a somewhat reasonable person, willing to listen.
Another expectation: People I talk with will use the same skills that I’ve learned in this workshop. Instead, Doherty, who has decades of experience as a family and couples therapist, said, “At your next family dinner, expect that you will have to do the heavy lifting.”
Behind every passionate belief is a story. Find out what it is!
We practiced four skills: listening, acknowledging, pivoting, and sharing perspectives. And we explored both conservative and liberal values and concerns.
The time flew by, leaving a feeling of only having scratched the surface. The workshop ended with a consideration for what’s next. One possibility is to take a deeper dive with Braver Angels. For example, attend a local or national debate. Participate in another workshop. Listen to videos and podcasts.
In summary, participants began by sharing why they came to the workshop, confirming that they disagree with a lot of people, and acknowledging that there are lots of emotions on either side. Some takeaways were
- learn to let go
- find common ground
- suspend your inner critic
- connect before you disagree
Behind every passionate belief is a story. Find out what it is!
—Diane Young, UMRA president 2025–26
Skills for Disagreeing Better
Thu, Jul 24, 2025, 1 - 2:30pm
2180 Hamline Ave. N.
Roseville, MN
Bill Doherty's April Living Well Workshop, Dealing with differences in a polarized world, inspired many UMRA members. He has very graciously agreed to hold a Skills for Disagreeing Better workshop for us in July. This event is free and open to UMRA members and their guests.
Summary
The Skills for Disagreeing Better workshop helps participants understand the values and concerns of those who differ from them politically and teaches essential skills for communicating across differences and finding common ground.
Goals
- Grow understanding of the values and concerns of people who differ from you politically
- Learn skills for listening in a way the other person feels heard
Learn skills for sharing viewpoints in a way the other person might hear even if they disagree
What to Expect
You will learn about the values and concerns of the other political side and practice skills for communicating more effectively in the presence of disagreement.
- Sign ups for this event are through the new member portal -- be sure to create your login before you try to sign up for this event. Don't have the email? Search for an email from [email protected]. It may have gone to your spam folder.
- Make your reservation online or contact the reservationist if you have questions.
Free parking is available in the library parking lot.
The Community Program Room is fully accessible, and located just inside the west entrance.